I started Salsa just 3 months ago, with my new boyfriend (I use the term loosely as he’s 52 and I’m 46!). He’s been dancing 18 months. I can only go dancing when I visit him, for practical reasons. He goes to a weekly class, and other events when I’m not there and I’ve never tried to stop him. I’ve always loved dancing, and in my teens and early 20’s went folk dancing 3 times most weeks. I’d try almost any sort of dancing, within my physical limitations!
When we first started dating he’d take me to a dance and then spend half the night dancing with other ladies, sometimes more than half the night. It wasn’t particularly the jealousy that made me dislike this.
It was more the being left half the night on my own. His friends danced with me a little, but I’m pretty sure that a lot of them didn’t want to be seen as dancing with “his lady”. I know that I attract men very easily, in the sexual sense, because I’ve been told often enough. I also felt a bit urked at him almost trying to give me to his friends, so he could still act like he was single. I expect better from any man.
We talked about this and he has seen my point of view, it seems. We enjoy dancing, but we do more of it together, at least when I’m around. I never stop him from doing some dancing with his friends, but if he wants to act like a single man, asking every other woman to dance just because he can, then single is what he will have to be. I’m not controlling him, we talked, there are always choices, for both of us.
I do have one thing I really don’t “get” when it comes to salsa, bachata and the like. They are sexy dances, very sexy at times. Indeed we use the dancing as an afrodisiac before sex, so there’s no denying it! (No that’s not the bit I don’t get, lol!)
So why is it considered essential that everyone needs to dance with everyone else? We don’t after all share sex with everyone else just because we could. That is something we leave behind in our youth, or at least reserve for times when we are unattached.
What is wrong with couples dancing and learning together as a couple? Are we all so very serious egotists that we’re afraid we can’t be perfect if we mostly learn and dance with a partner? Isn’t there something nice about sharing latin dancing with the one you love? Why is this OK for other kinds of dancing but not Latin?
OK, so the youngsters are still dating and experimenting, and that’s fine. When one has a serious life partner though why do we need to go around dancing fertility dances with anyone and everyone who asks or offers? These dances are sexy for a reason - they are courtship dances - do you court everyone you can?
One final point about trust, that I see so often touted in defence of the “I’ll do whatever Ilike, take it or leave it” attitude.
Trust is always earned - no one should command trust. I’ve trained very difficult and dangerous horses on occassion, as another of my “hobbies”. One thing I noticed is that they’ve either given people trust until it was forfeit, or they withold trust until it is earned. Same thing with people: if you abuse or never attempt to earn someones trust don’t be surprised when they don’t give it to you.
