This is an old thread but a topic that is obviously very popular. I am in a situation where my wife dances salsa on a high level, and I am a perpetual beginner.
Unfortunately, our relationship started on a bad note when, on our first date she suggested a salsa club. Within moments, she started studying the dancers, but to my surprise was intending to ask the best one. She wanted me to help! I thought, “this girl is so egocentric!” To make a long story short, I didn’t let her love for salsa get in the way of us getting married, although it was a major issue for me. It seemed silly not to marry someone just because they dance salsa.
Well, four years later, and after my intermittent lessons, the situation has not improved. In my naive mind, I never thought a woman would continue to dance salsa despite their spouse not being interested in it. Especially, if her previous marriage was with a salsa king. I have agreed to taking lessons, but I have hobbies of my own, and outside of work, that leaves very little time. Not only does she continue to want to dance salsa at every opportunity, but she expects me to escort her and watch. Some of you may be saying, “so what?” But I think most of you that understand how men think, would consider this difficult to digest.
So most say, “why don’t you take more lessons to reach her level?” I suppose I could, but even if I did, that would not circumvent the progression of salsa, one of which is to do it with as many people as possible to improve. Besides, as working adults with kids, who has the time? And this is why salsa can be so destructive to relationships. It is naive and smug to suggest that only men confident in themselves can tolerate their spouse dancing with any man.
Salsa is not just a dance, and it is not just an activity. It is a sensual dance that escalates with mutual passion by another persons touch and response. Very few activities or hobbies nurture these qualities together. In fact what other activity does this sound like? OK. Maybe that’s a stretch, but not really. I think that it is possible for a (married) couple to stay in a healthy relationship while one is an avid salsa dancer and the other is not. The fact is that it is not easy, and many Salsa dancer seem to discount this issue. Especially when they are trying to explain there passion to non-salsa dancers.
Everyone has their comfort zones with respect to what they can tolerate from their spouse. To suggest that a passion for close contact and coordinated rhythm with a person of the opposite sex, perhaps a stranger, at night, in the midst of blazing-hot salsa is free from misunderstandings is very naive. This hobby is on the edge for couples who don’t share the same interests in salsa. Blessed are those that can overcome such obstacles.
