Salsa City Forum » News and Chat » Dating and Salsa

Hey Lisa.

Once again. I don’t want my girlfriend getting ‘'caught up in the moment of it'’ with any other guy. And if this is what is happening there is a simple solution...

A) she stops dancing with other guys, or

B) we stop going out.

What you are saying is a bit like saying that... sex is fun... and I guess it’s just the nature of it every now and then to get caught up in it... but that’s just sex... so hey... let’s just be adult about it? And have fun with it... and share it around?

No way!! :)

If that is its nature... that you get ‘'caught up in the moment'’ then it is for you and someone special!! Not for you and every Tom, Dick and Harry who has been attending dance classes for the past 10 years. Or even for me, and every Sarah, Betty and Julie.

You say you are absolutely in control of your actions... but then you say you get caught up in the moment as well?... these two concepts clash Lisa.

This thread has been entertaining me for a while, but I think that you are all missing the point.

1. Regardless of what social activity your girl or boyfriend takes part in, if they are going to cheat they will. If you can’t trust your significant other then you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

2. What you will find most girls and probable some guys like about salsa, is the fact you can have a nice dance, that can sometimes be flirtatious without it meaning anything, in a safe enviroment. I’m single and I feel uncomfortable sometimes in non-salsa places by the guys who think they can just grab you on the dancefloor.

Ask yourself this, is it better to know that you and your other half can socialise and maybe sometimes flirt a little in a safe enviroment? Or should your other half never leave your side and let alone look in the direction of a member of the opposite sex.

Matt I think you’ve misinterpreted what I said.

Getting caught up in a moment and being in control of my actions are two different things.

Let me explain. Firstly, I don’t get caught in the moment with every tom dick and harry, very few men actually, and its not about sex, lust or attraction, its about being connected to the dance... end of!

For those of u, particularly men, that don’t ever experience that, you can’t understand it. If people actually learnt about the dances they were doing and the history of them and the music etc they would dance very differently!

When I say I’m in control of my actions, I am... I may be caught up in a moment yes, but I’m fully aware of what is going on, and if I do happen to like the guy and choose to do something about it, fine, its my choice, my action.

I think u need to stop seeing salsa as being related to sex...

Like salsa chick said, if someone’s gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat, end of.

And please trust me when I say this, getting caught up in a moment with someone when dancing is completely different to sharing something very special with someone you love or care for.

I would suggest if dancing salsa is that much of a problem that u stop and take up line dancing or something! :)

Let me add my two pence to this thread... I’m in a long-term relationship with someone whos also dances salsa.

Honestly there have been times when jealously has reared its ugly head but these days for me its simple... Guys if your happy in your relationship and TRULY TRUST your partner and he/she trusts you, then dancing with anyone else shouldn’t be a problem.

As a guy I agree completely with Lisa, getting caught up in the moment of a dance with someone is what it should be about. This is that’s so much more about enjoying the dance than an interest in the other person.

In answer to an earlier post, I’d have to disagree, I think if a relationship is suppose to work and both people work at it, then it will work whether you dance salsa or not.

Hah. Line dancing. Good one. Look I’d probably get jealous about that as well. ;)

Hey Lisa would you dance Salsa, or some of these other more passionate dances with your Dad? Or your brother?

Jealousies, Possessiveness, Distrust, are all signs of a person’s insecurity and they won’t help you keep a partner either, not one with any self worth at least … that is guaranteed! In fact they’ll most likely drive them away, unless of course you choose a partner who is equally insecure, in which case you’re in for a tumultuous time together and most probably a lot of shared suspicion and therefore unhappiness!

If you’re truly worried about her i.e. You don’t feel you can trust her or for that matter other people finding her attractive mentally and/or physically, then you know what to buy her for Xmas Matt … A full length Burqa. That should stifle her expression in Salsa and at the same time stop others from finding out what you have about her... including what attracted you to her.

Alternatively you could act like a real man and give her some space…

I guess Strictly Come Dancing partners have given them space, but it does seem that they are all getting very intimate, (in a non sexual way!? ) with each other, you do not see the presence of their non dancing partners as often at the show, does that reflect a strong partnership or quite the opposite, who knows, every relationship is different

Dead right... but partners are not our possesions... the best we can hope for is that they’d prefer to trust us and be with us and give us space when we need it and vise versa, it’s an open contract subject to change and the best way to keep it going is to keep it interesting and at the same time trusting. When a person thinks they own someone and can dictate how they should think, feel and do... they are no longer their partner, they are their possession. Salsa and partner dance in general is a great test of this! The question is are people up to the challenge?

Me and my ex-girlfriend of a year broke up last week because she said she needed space and school was getting hectic. She still goes out salsa dancing and is in a salsa routine, she has not talked to me but has let me know that she is not dating and still loves me... will her dancing push her away from me? For one, I have been raised dancing salsa and merengue but recently it has taken over much of her life and I’m afraid she will forget about me as a result of her partners looks or better dance skills. Is this just insecurity?

Yep it sure is!... If she wants to come back to you she will... If she doesn’t you’d best move on ‘cause if you put any kind of pressure on her it’s 99.999% certain you’ll get nowhere! If you give her the space you say she needs, you might - just might - be in with a chance! Either way, what’s important is the quality of time you spend/have spent with a person, whatever kind of partner they may be/have been and that’s true for everyone however long the thing lasts … Chance meetings Platonic or One night stands all the way through to life long partners IMHO

Attraction doesn’t solely depend on looks or dance skills for that matter, anyone is capable of attracting anyone after the initial physical attraction though I think compatibility does depend to a large degree on equality whether that be looks, intelligence, humour or whatever … Not a bad idea to practice your dancing skills though ;-)