Salsa City Forum » News and Chat » Salsa Dance Types!

Hey All ....following on from the amusing phrasebook that has been posted on this forum, it reminded me of an article I came across a while back entitled 'Salsa Types' which I have included below for your pleasure! Some new ones were also added by myself and fellow Salseros and Salseras ...anyone else got any to add??

Enjoy!

Welsh Wizard.

Non Gender Specific

The Habitual - Has a routine and breaks down if needs to deviate from it.

Need For A Creed - Formed an opinion (eg. salsa must/mustn't have a 'tap',
break on two etc.) and will defend the right of it to the death -- Shun if
spotted early enough.

The Peach - Will only dance with ONE person. If that person doesn't come
then the Peach will not go either, or will leave early, or will sit and look
miserable and fend of other partners with a stomach-, or head- ache. -- Leave
them to it

The Decorator - Accepts a dance (or worse, asks you) and then looks bored
throughout the dance - thinks about colour schemes for the upstairs toilet

The Eel - first phrase after getting up to dance is "I'm a little bit
damp. Sorry". Eels typically start to oozes 'glow', or 'sweat' as soon as they
look at a dance floor. Takes a towel, three changes of clothes, a fan and an
apologetic look.

The Traveller - Take huge steps and covers plenty of ground - no matter
how fast the dance. Beware of this type and take shin and ankle protectors
when the floor gets especially busy.

Bad Breath Bandit - it smells like someone has cra**ed in their mouth. You spend most of the dance dying for the song to end because if you have to inhale that stink any longer you may vomit in their face! Someone needs to tell them to start chewing that gum or get some tic tacs!


The Gents

The Slug - Oops, sorry I did not mean to touch you there - oh , or there-
this salsa is a difficult dance isn't it? You never know where your hands are
going to land. Would you like another dance? No? Ah well, plenty more women
around.

The Bust Watcher - spends the whole dance mesmerized by the woman's cleavage. Meanwhile, the woman's thinking "when the hell is this guy gonna start doing something more exciting than the basic step!"

The Bone Breaker - the dancer that assumes everyone is a contortionist and insists upon bending arms into unnatural positions. He is oblivious to the sound of cracking bones or screams of pain from his partner.

The Cowboy - the dancer whose gait is so wide when he dances it looks like he's missing his horse!

The EGO - get off the dance floor you imbeciles the dance floor is MINE! MINE! MINE! Their head is so large there's no room on the dance floor for any other dancers.

Mr Brill Cream - his head is so well greased you could wax your floor with it. Just watch out when he starts sweating 'coz that grease is gonna be dripping all over your lovely new salsa top!

Mr Happy-go-lucky - the dancer who grins inanely at you for the whole dance. You want to laugh in their face but that would be just plain rude!


The Ladies

The Expert - Frowns at leader all-the-time while dancing

Northern Soul Lass - Never leaves the bar.

The Strong Lead - Fixed stare and an "I'm not doing that!" attitude

Twirly Bird - Only happy so long as she's spinning.

The Lover - Only ever dances with her male counterpart -- orders the taxi
before arriving

The Temptress - Flirts excessively. Caution here, Chaps. Doing a spin
yourself can be dangerous. She may intend to pinch you bum, but if you turn
round too fast you can be floored. (On the other hand if you spot it coming
and your timing is good . . .)

The High Stepper - Can clear a large space on a crowded dance floor
without the use of a cattle prod, simply employing legs and suitably heeled
shoes..

The Mountain - 50 stone of pure lard, lives in the belief that she is the
daintiest woman on the dance floor. Impossible to move sweats like Niagra Falls and not afraid
to ask a guy to dance. Sends the Pros running for cover. They say faith can
move mountains, but even Super Mario would have trouble shifting this
bird!!!

The She-Man - only ever wants to dance as a man. Looks like one too.
Claims its to improve her dancing as a woman. But the crew-cut hairstyle,
boiler suit and Dr Martens make it all very suspect.

The Shagger - cant dance to save her life. All her best moves are in the
bedroom. Dresses to kill. Seeks out the best and cutest dancers, and will
slowly work her way down until she finds one that will take her back to his
place.

The High-Heeled menace - those lethal women on the dance floor who always manage to impale you with their pointy heels and don't give a damn when you leave the dance floor limping.

Who's Leading Who? - the woman who insists upon leading the man. Don't mess with her she'll knee you in the n*ts!

Miss Perfect - she can dance and she's got the perfect figure. The women spend the evening thinking "what a b*tch, but I wish I had a butt as nice as that!" The men spend the evening drooling into their drinks as they watch her dance with all the pros.

Hehe - very funny. This sort of thing can be useful because, although it can be a bit cruel, it prompts us to take a hard look at our own behaviour.

My addition to the ladies list is:

The Salsa Groupie - will only dance with the instructor, no matter how fat or wierd, it's the instructor or nothing. Spends her time when not dancing hanging out in the dj booth.