Salsa City Forum » Salsa Music and Dance » Dancefloor confidence

Can anyone give me any tips or stories that might make me feel more confidence about getting up and dancing.

To give you the situation, I’ve been putting a decent amount of time and effort into learning salsa since March, mostly because I love the music and I’ve always loved dancing. In the process I know I’ve learnt something, and I’ve lost a lot of weight and become stronger and faster.

To my shame though I am just so bloody intimidated about getting on the dance floor and getting on with it. Most of the dancers still look so good to me and I am terrified that I’ll make an embarassment of myself. Probably because I’ve had some very hurtful comments from one or two “gentlemen.” But it’s got to the stage now where I really need to psyche myself up just to get on the floor with my husband; I’d love to dance with other guys but I’d not dare to ask and when I’m in a club setting I make myself “unavailable” for asking by cuddling up to my other half or deliberately avoiding the guys I know by sitting away to the side.

This is stupid because I’m a confident person and I’ve never had a problem going for it in a regular club or bar. I don’t even need to drink to get my confidence up. I’ve had strangers (men and women) come up to me in clubs and tell me they enjoy my dancing!

How can I ever get good enough to get up and really dance... if I don’t dance? I don’t know what to do. How the hell did this happen? Please tell me at least one other person has felt like this at some point!

Hmm, tricky. I would say, take it bit by bit. You don’t have to make yourself available to everyone. You can pick and choose. If you do the classes you must have an idea who you’d like to dance with later. Just ask them when the time is right, or tell them, during the class, “ask me for a dance later”.

But, in general, if women want to be asked to dance they must appear keen. I rarely ask a woman to dance if she’s sitting down and never if she’s deep in conversation with her pal(s).

Hi Elena

I think many of us have felt like this at some point - men and women. It took me months to get the courage to ask people I didn’t know for dances.

Having danced with you in Andy’s workshop the other week I can tell you that you’re definitely ‘good enough to get up and dance’. But you do need to stand around by the dance floor and look interested.

The alleged ‘gentlemen’ you refer to could do with a good slap. Just remember that men who are rude or critical about women’s dancing are usually crap dancers themselves.

Hi Elena,

It’s such a shame u feel like this!! I often went through phases when I was terrified of dancing with the ‘good’ men but to be honest you’ve just got to let yourslef go adn enjoy it!

So what if we look silly... at least we’re having fun and that’s what salsa is about... well dancing in general... ignore the idiots that put u down!! Like Tom said, they’re probably crap themselves.

If u look around, we’re all in the same boat, feeling anxious etc. But just go for it and love it! Also, to be honest, people are generally so wrapped up in themselves they don’t even notice other people.

I make a point of always asking men to dance, particularly the ‘good’ ones as that’s how to build up confidence... Start dancing with andy and other guys... You’ll have a laugh and get more and more confident as you go... Just believe in yourself!! The rest will follow.

Hi elena
Just to add to other people’s constructive comments, I’ll share a secret with you (!) - I teach salsa and I still get nervous! It’s not so bad these days but that’s because I’ve had to work at it - by that I mean, I’ve had to grit my teeth, take several deep breaths and find the confidence from somewhere to ask some top dancers to dance - and yes, it can be terrifying, but it’s the only way! I started by giving myself a personal challenge - ask 1 maybe 2 people who intimidate me to dance one night, then, the next night ask those same people again, plus 1 or maybe 2 more, and so on and so forth. But don’t make it into a huge issue nor beat yourself up about it if you have a night when you can’t find that confidence - it’ll come. And if all else fails, I lead, so you can always ask me!! (and from a leaders point of view, it can be equally terrifying to lead, no matter what standard you are, as it’s up to you to “show the woman a good time” so the pressure is on, so the lead is probably more worried about his performance than yours!)
Hope this helps coz I aint half revealed a lot about myself there!!!
Good luck! Enjoy and relax! (it’s only salsa!!)

Elena,

Salsa is a constant struggle for all of us between the two voices. One voice is the critic, the other is the artist. Both voices are in your mind (and influenced by what others say to us). This concept is well explained in the “Inner Game” series of books. The author of this series, I believe, is a cello player and he describes his playing experience with the goal of quieting the critical voice so the artist can surface.

As you dance more, there will be nights when you feel great and others you really don’t care. There will be nights you want to learn something new and nights you just want to dance. When you were a beginner, you probably lived off the endorphines and weren’t aware of all these other things going on. In the future, you will (knowingly or unknowingly) be an inspiration for someone else.

The person who introduced me to dancing is the single most influencial person in my life to date. She changed my life with a simple invitation to a ballroom night class. Since then she has had a complete mental breakdown and her life will likely always be out of her full control. The point is, you never know when dancing with someone may change their life forever. If you start to say no to dance invitations because of your own critical voice, however, the rest of us stand to lose.

If this doesn’t work, go rent the movie “Shirley Valentine”. I kind of liked it cause the main character learns to take a break from lifes hassles and discovers her own importance (even if it doesn’t involve salsa dancing).

Thank you everyone for the thoughtful replies. I have been thinking about them for a few days now. In fact I have a terrible habit of overthinking things. That’s probably where my problem comes from!

When I actually dance with people in classes, I can very much feel the difference between the different leaders. There are some people who look decent from the sidelines but who feel truly horrible to dance with, and others who are not showy but who are just lovely to connect to.

I think I need to remember that when I go out to dance and make that pleasant experience my goal rather than worrying about whether I look like a big fool, or whether I have said something stupid.

Easier said than done, though!