In answer to the first question, your best bet is to go to Callaghan’s on a Tuesday where they teach Cuban style, and watch how the instructors dance. Or you could ask Kate James to demonstrate - she can lead Cuban-style beautifully!
The lead and follow thing is not as simple as you think. Women who dance LA/NY style don’t usually have a problem with following Cuban-style men but it can be difficult the other way round. In general LA/NY style is more technically challenging for women but also allows more scope for individual expression. (One instructor once told me “LA-style is about the woman, Cuban style is about the man.” )
And yes, it works much better if you both dance the same style.