Salsa City Forum » Salsa Music and Dance » Dancing with girlfriends/boyfriends

Hi,

While watching some salsa last week I was thinking about the passion or lack of passion sometimes in dancing. I’ve found from my own experience that starting on relationships with women has effectively stopped me going dancing completely, not because they wouldn’t let me, but just because (or maybe because the passion was elsewhere?)

I did try dancing with a then girlfriend and it was ok, but nothing spectacular, and I remember it was in a class where you didn’t switch partners.

What I was thinking about was two things: first, I really don’t want to get into a relationship with anyone who doesn’t dance or want to start dancing - just because I don’t want to lose it all again. This has the upshot of meaning that every woman I dance with become by default a potential relationship partner!

The other thing is I was thinking about jealousy and how it can ruin relationships - to my mind only when its energy is not channeled into something. Jealousy on the dancefloor? = passion? It got me thinking about how if I had a pertner who danced and I was dancing with some other attractive girl, and she was dancing with some other attractive guy - it would surely improve my passion, commitment to moves and intensity. I know there must be some couples at Salsa classes in cardiff, so what do you guys think?

Sounds like your relationships aren’t “on clave”. Sorry, bad joke.

Well Tommy, I think that’s a very difficult subject to bring up... I suppose different people have different opinions.

Having been with a partner and knowing how jealous he got of me dancing with other guys and having been single and dancing with girls’ boyfriends and seeing their reaction... I don’t know that jealousy is necessarily a good thing... sure, it can add passion but methinks maybe the wrong kind??

The prob is with most couples they tend to have ‘dance offs’ if their partner is dancing with someone else, each partner tries to outdo the other, which can be fun but, again, it’s dangerous ground.

The most important thing is to have fun! Also being a single... we have to be careful as I know some guys have got the wrong idea when I’ve danced with them, but I really am just DANCING and not trying to bed them!!! We have to make sure we don’t lead guys on and make sure their girls don’t think we’re trying to make a move too, which can all hinder our enjoyment of dancing itself.

I’m just myself, expressive and passionate as I may or may not be and if people want to read into it then that’s up to them... I just wanna have fun.

But u are right... There is a huge lack of passion, even between couples, which amazes me! Dancing with someone ur intimate with is, or should be, an incredible experience and it’s a shame that a lot of people don’t express that... We should all dance like nobody’s watching and just enjoy the greatness of it. Some couples I didn’t even know were couples which is really sad as it should be blatantly obvious when they dance.

Anyway, sorry, bit of a sore point for me so I’ll shut up now!

PAS here on a more serious note. I be married to someone who dances, but at a different level than me. It is more difficult to achieve passion in the situations you are asking about. At the same time, there are other rewards.

From the sounds of it, some of you may be aware that Salsa or dancing can become your “drug of choice”. A dancing night might involve a lesson where you encounter easy success with the teacher showing both partners what to do. Latter, as you dance with various partners, you have another series of successful (4 - 8 minute) relationships in one evening. In fact, you don’t really have to reveal much about yourself. The music provides the meeting place and topics of conversation. Lastly, like our parents generation, one leads, the other follows and so the chances of decision-making problems are minimized. Sounds like the perfect experience (drug) and as an addict, you can’t imagine it stopping.

Well, these days, both sexes are encouraged to think and question, lead and follow, seek partners... and so the world of relationships will test your “true metal”. Seriously, we know that changing partners:
1. Helps us become better dancers
2. Makes the dance experience more fun
3. Relieves some of the relationship “performance” pressure
If you can achieve an understanding of this with a new relationship, it will help the situation.

Lastly, take the mindframe with each partner of connecting with them and the music “at their level”. Much relationship frustration stems simply from expectations that dancing will simply happen because of love. That’s Hollywood, not reality.

Good post PAS, but can I just add that sometimes the dancing happens and the love is lost between boyf/girlf couples (!) - my partner and I frequently fall out over dancing - mainly because his standard is a lot higher than mine, and when I don’t meet HIS expectations, in terms of both technique and effort, things can get quite heated!!!

I often remind him that dancing is for FUN, and whether you dance as a couple or not - EVERYONE should remember this - it’s all about having a good time and enjoying the moment with the person your are dancing with!

CC

I can understand. I enjoy practicing patterns and technique by myself or taking a salsa class almost more than simply dancing. Doing patterns well affords me a small but significant feeling of achievement. My wife is the opposite and grows weary at the mention of technique. To avoid the trap of expecting something from her she’s not interested in, I conciously increase my level of patience before taking her dancing. I remind myself what makes her happy and prepare emotionally for any sign of tension. Without doing this ahead of time, I’m likely to ruin everything that evening (cause the male brain takes over).

This weekend, by the way, is my Son’s first soccer game. I am using the same technique to try and keep from screaming my head off at the game and embarassing him. Wish me luck.

Good Luck PAS and thanks for letting me know my partner is not alone in the battle for “pleasing your lady at Salsa!!!” :-)

On a personal notes, I now believe that if you are passionate or intense at all - keep it on the dancefloor! At least there we might expect it or understand it. I’ve just found first hand how being intensely interested in someone can push them away from you... So I’m gonna try and save my passion for salsa.

This subject is not an easy one. I have had a BF on my salsa scene and we were together some time. It was really difficult. To have this work you need to feel your relationship is solid and have no insecurities about your partner as ultimately we often flirt when we dance. If you are both commited and can treat this as it should be treated, JUST A DANCE, it’s all good. But it is hard to have a relationship either in or out of salsa when salsa is your passion. A non salsa partner will not share your interest or addiction and may want you to spend more time doing other things together, yet with a salsa partner you often run the risk of making salsa an uncomfortable place for you to go because of the breakup etc. After my experience I’d like to say that a non salsa partner would be my preference but I think all addicts hope that we can find the perfect person who will share our passion. Don’t know about in Cardiff but here in London a lot of the men are womanisers because they have an adoring female public when they are good dancers.