Salsa City Forum » Salsa Music and Dance » Asking for a Dance

I remember reading on another forum a while ago someone saying that "Would you like to dance?" is too formal for a salsa club and she was more likely to respond to a more casual approach. So, ladies, how do you like to be asked? And, I'd love to know, what is your opinion of "grabbers", guys who just grab women by the arm and drag them onto the dancefloor? I would never do such a thing, but some guys get away with it, and women seem to go along with it. What do you really think?

How about "Hoffet ti dawnsio?"??? :-)

Seriously, anyone who tried the grab and drag on me would soon discover that the offset dancing position is ideal for that classic signature move, "knee to groin"! "Wanna dance?" would do, as would "Shall we?" or anything like that, even just offering a hand, as long as it is asking, not grabbing. Please at least keep up the pretence that we are actually ladies!

Syniad da, Elena - ond efallai byddai “¿Quieres bailar?” yn fwy addas mewn clwb salsa?* The advantage of Welsh or Spanish is being able to use the informal “you”; the disadvantage is that most people won’t understand!

I don’t think there’s any problem with “Would you like to dance?” I think that particularly with a new partner it’s better to err on the side of politeness. You can probably get away with grabbing if you know the person you’re grabbing very well and/or if you’re particularly charming and charismatic, otherwise it’s completely out of order. An alternative is the outstretched arms and pleading expression - again, only tends to work if you know the partner.

*Good idea, Elena - but maybe “¿Quieres bailar?” would be more appropriate in a salsa club?

Actually, I don't remember objecting at all on those (rare) occasions when a woman has grabbed my hand and dragged me on to the dance floor...

The method I use is the “tried and tested” technique developed by the Nigel Maye school of salsa!

Girls must always remember that this is a MALE dominated dance and women are inferior who follow the man’s lead (basically - they do what they’re told)

My technique is as follows and is sub-divided into four parts...

1) Look at her...
2) Grab her...
3) Tell her... “You’re dancing”
4) Then pull her onto the floor!!!

Elena - I'm gonna grab you next time in Cardiff... You WON'T refuse (no one has yet he he he)

I must admit I can be a grabber - but only with those chaps I know well and who know me! Especially if there is a track on I really love I can’t stand NOT dancing.

However, with those I don’t know I can be quite shy and retiring - many would not believe this - I put it down to my traditional, Catholic upbringng.

As for how I like to be asked - if I know the men a grab is ok. If not, I don’t mind a formal request, the more subtle look at me nod towards the floor or, as most do, an extended hand!

My advice - just ask, I don’t know many who would refuse!!

Wizzy, I said people might get away with grabbing if they were "charming and charismatic", not "Neanderthal" ; )

I'm not that bad Tom, I only dance with them - then put them back... I don't wack 'em over the head and drag them back to my cave where I make them wear animal skins and cook me red meat. Thinking about it though - I might start. Hey "shy and retiring" welsh lass - beware! I'm coming for YOU :-)

Well I am always delighted when I find a new dance partner Wizzy - but if that picture of you is for real I may be too old for you - you’re only a slip of a lad! (And no, I’m not that old!)

Would also like to share some good news with everybody I have coached/encouraged a group of 6/7 year olds into dancing some salsa and they gave a wonderful demonstration today. I am doing my bit for the future of salsa in South Wales and the boys are really keen to continue when they’re older. Not that I’ll get a dance when they are old enough!!!