Salsa City Forum » Salsa Music and Dance » Refusing a dance...

Seems like we do have a similiar outlook Jeff...!!

Tom- I don’t think Stellan meant that he would pretend to be tired if he didn’t want to dance with someone... rather that would be a genuine reason.

I agree completely wiht you Stellan re the situations you describe. I suppose I have more of a problem when a guy refuses a dance from a lady who has made an effort to cross the dance floor for example. In the example I gave of last Thursday, the guy’s answer was a blantant “no” followed by him turning around. I mean c’mon...!

Lisa I think you sum it up quite well
“Treat others how u want to be treated.”
So I suppose we can all agree (or am I asking too much!) that saying no is fine just as long as you don’t make the askee(!) feel like jumping under the nearest table! :)

See you all tonight if you lot are going, I’m really looking forward to this bachata and show! I’ll be the guy in the corner keeping an eye on everyone making sure NO ONE REFUSES ANYONE!! :)

Very diplomatic RwG :-) c u later.

PS. Hopefully I’ll see you later too Lisa, thanks for the nice... (at least, some of the nice ;-) ) comments.

Just adding my two penneth worth here. My first night last week I had a couple of guys ask me to dance - which amazed me. These guys are all adavanced and stuff and I cannot keep up and don’t know the steps - which is why I said no - plus I was absolutely knackered. I think that embarrassment and nerves play a big part, especially for the beginners and newbies. I was absolutely gobsmacked by the talent I saw up on that dancefloor and no way am I ready to get up and dance when I know so little. I know nobody will judge but I think a lot of the beginners feel the same way, at least from what I gathered from talking to them.

So guys don’t be too disappointed if a girl refuses you, a lot of us just don’t wanna look like total fools and be falling off our feet because you are so much better than us.

RwG, I think you’ve misunderstood my post - my comment about pretending to be tired was referring to Jeff’s post, not Stellan’s.

Arianwen, if the guys you mention really are ‘advanced’ (rather than just being blokes who do a lot of moves) they will adjust their dancing to your level, and you’ll get a lot more out of dancing with them than you would from dancing with men at you own level.

Why don’t you ask other women to point out the guys who are pleasant and considerate to dance with? They’ll also give you good advice on who to avoid ; )

Sorry I didn’t get to see u Jeff, hope u had a great night! You’re welcome too bout the lovely comments... u know I love u guys :)

Take care and hopefully see u soon.

Arianwen, I know it’s completely daunting as a beginner/improver to get up there and dance with everyone else when there’s ‘a lot of talent’, but the best way to improve is to just jump right in and go for it... especially with the more advanced dancers. Tom is absolutely right that if the guy really is advanced he will always dance to your level and make u feel fantastic! We all make mistakes, miss leads etc but just smile, laugh and enjoy it!

Go for it :)

Lisa x

I know its the best way to improve and I don’t mind dancing with the more advanced dancers. It’s just every time I have, at risa and in other classes, the guys don’t listen when you say that you don’t know the moves and can’t go that fast - then you feel like a total numpty for falling over your feet. I might give O’Neill’s a try tonight and see what happens

I always appreciate being asked, and if someone new asks me (whatever level they are), I try to make a point of saying to them at the end of the dance thanks for asking. Reason being if I go along to a new venue and don’t know many people, I still easily get intimidated and if I stand around watching for too long, then sometimes I may have to rely on someone asking me to get me started.

Learning to dance is a baton passing process, and if a partner of a lower level asks you to dance you should always except. For one it has probably taken them a lot of courage to ask you in the first place, and everyone should appreciate we all started somewhere.

Although there may be the odd occasion when perhaps you genuinely need a rest or perhaps the music doesn’t suit, in either situation I usually say, can we wait for the next track.

A few weeks ago in Cuba, for example, I asked a beginner to dance after the classes, when earlier she had been stood on the sidelines watching during the interval. After our first dance of the evening I thanked her and then went to dance with some of my regular partners. But what was nice was, later she asked me back at least twice, and we had a lot fun which was a little unexpected.

I have been reading this post today & found it very interesting, I for one have never asked a gentleman to dance YET, partly because of my age (definitely no youngster) & the rest is down to lack of confidence, but when I do eventually pluck up the courage, I do hope that if the recipient does not wish to dance with me, he will let me down gently, with a white lie if need be, like Jeff ov Ponty suggested. At least then it won’t batter my confidence so much that I would feel unable to ask someone else at another time, which a flat NO definitely would. A white lie can be beneficial on some occasions, in my opinion.

Saying that, I would like to say thank you to all the men that asked me to dance last night in O’Neill’s last night. They really boosted my confidence, taught me some new moves (I hope I can remember them) & were perfect Gentlemen.

Hi Jackie,

I’m not going to make any excuses but for one reason or another I haven’t danced with you for a few months. As I said in my post I always appreciate being asked. I think the last time we danced was probably at Risa before the classes started. However being that you regularly seem to arrive early at Risa like I do, there is no reason for me not to have a dance with you during this time or later on in the evening of course.

Hi Dai

Thanks I’ll remember that (& hold you to it lol). In all fairness I have noted you have always danced with a variety of women, of all ages, which is great for us Ladies because you allow us to feel at ease when we naff up a move (no mistakes in salsa, well, that’s what I was told in Cuba this year). I love dancing & really hope that eventually I can be half as good as a lot of the women in Risa & O’Neill’s. I think I’m getting your bug for it Dai, it’s definitely my release & makes me feel good. Was given lots of tips in Risa on Thursday by some of the Men I danced with. Whom I’d like to thank here & now, they know who they are, & I appreciate any help that improves my moves. A bit of constructive criticism doesn’t hurt anyone, especially when the Man knows what he is talking about, in fact, it helps a lot. (We all have to bite our tongues sometimes though with some people.) I know a lot of my faults. I still need to relax more so I can take the lead from my partner properly & not make it such hard work for him, & perfect my spins, though I am improving as time goes on. Hey, we’ve all got different levels of learning, for some it comes naturally. Why not me!!!